22. a day

it is that day when you want to say you are having a really bad day. but what you should say is that you have to be creative today. truly outrageously creative. and relaxed. and not mind your dirty dirty teeth. or juggling two crying kids. or wiping snot off everything but the source because he won't let you near him. and you are tired because he doesn't sleep when he is sick. and you want to moan and cry yourself but you stuff it down. or let it out. i don't know. i want help. i wish my mom was home.

right now the pea is asleep on me. after her morning nap being interrupted by her hysterical older brother crying and sobbing and carrying on for about an hour. i am not sure if he is so sick he is a mess or just so tired from being up most of the night. or if he is just himself. he wants me all to himself because he is not feeling good and he has to share me which is pretty much the end of his little world. honestly, i wish i could just take care of him too. but as i told him, i am her mama too. and they both need me now.

when she wakes up i want to get dressed. and brush my teeth. and floss. and eat lunch. it is 12:20. maybe i need a second coffee. maybe i should throw them in the car and drive to trader joes listening to her cry the whole way because she hates the car just to feel like i did something. maybe pizza is a good answer for dinner.

maybe.
may be.
may i be.
calm.
serene.
loving.
peaceful.
patient.
happy.
may i be.